gerrtude is here.

The past never stayed where it belonged.

2010-11-04T09:19:00.001-07:00

So it's one of those nights where you sit on your bed all day watching useless videos, and episode after episode of How I met your mother. Then you start talking to people and the one thing that keeps haunting you, that incessant thought, the one that keeps returning, it never leaves you alone. And then you start thinking when things really started changing so much.

I want to be able to crush that sheet of perfection framed with admiration before those eyes had begun to reveal what was hidden in shallow intentions and ugly thoughts. I want to erase your hideous scrawls for what seemed like an eternity would pass in childish romance and rose petals would never die of shame, staining the empty white a burning crimson.

When what really burned was when we touched, and instantaeous warmth and heartbeats racing like fools were nothing but resultants of fragments of our imagination.

The innocent make mistakes. But they learn to love with their hearts.

Call me a push-over but maybe that's why I survive on hope. Because deep inside I never gave up on anything, even after they all did.
~

oh. love, aishani. (:

for literature speaks

2010-08-15T02:32:00.001-07:00

I seek solace in words and phrases, hiding in the shadows of books and poems. I alternate between song and reality, finding it hard to extract myself from the intricate melody and soulful rhythm. I drift between crowds and loners, finding myself wanting to be both and neither. I lose my sense of momentum, and things start falling out of grasp, everything just tumbling over and over. I lose some treasured pieces, now destined to be nothing but fleeting scenes of nostalgia. I ponder over the smallest of things, but neglect what stands before me. I am guilty and troubled over what has become, but scared to venture the first step forward to correct it. I am captured by the promises of religion, but unwilling to let myself fall into it. I care too much about what others say, I mind too much about what they think, I know too much about what they feel. God, i feel like shit.

Sick of being so sick.

2010-08-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

WHYYY IS THIS SO DEAD. D:

haha hello world.

I was searching through the usual websites I briefly like to look through, searching for that ounce of happiness or joy that I occasionally experience, usually because I see interesting bits of news here and there.

This time, felt like certain parts of the Internet waste a hell lot of my time because it just somehow made me feel like while I'm stuck in bed sick with --insert string of illnesses--, there are people out there having fun like they probably never will in years to come, and not realising how much they really have in their hands. Sucks when some people still have opportunities, moments, experiences, and so much more left in their lives and dont know it. Don't even recognise it.
And it sucks when they've got something I'll never have, and knowingly blind themselves this easily.

So whoever's reading this, take it from one who knows.
1. Never let jealousy get in your way because it only hurts you much more later onwards.
2. Open your eyes, and if you feel like that dream is too far away, reach further. You never know when your arms will get chopped off, and you'll never be able to reach again.
3. When in doubt, go eat peanut butter. (FROM THE JAR. :D)

I'm off to go sleep my misery away.

still alive,
aishani.

DISCLAIMER: Not just one, but a series of events has inspired this post. Any resemblance to incidents or characters is purely coincidental. XD
I dont expect anyone to know what this is about. ohwell!

The chipmunk scores!

2010-08-01T03:26:00.000-07:00

CONGRATS CONGRATS AISH am extremely proud of you and your indian-ess!

当人们思考时，上帝就笑了

2010-07-20T04:55:00.000-07:00

I've always been in this queer awkward role. the crossroads in between where lines chose to diverge and meet. existing not in isolation, but too affected by those around. Unable to get over the initial meeting, and unwilling to let go of what must leave. Its impossible to pin a definition to this notion of statelessness, where you aren't sure of what is to become or how the ending works. Somehow, the moving force that used to pull just doesn't have the same magnetic attraction anymore. Its wanting gravity to root you to the ground and your spirits to soar through the skies. Knowing,but filled with confusion and insecurity.

I feel so old, yet so very young and ignorant.

on a lighter note this was my fav poem. used to recite it everyday.
出塞
王昌龄
秦时明月汉时关，
万里长征人未还。
但使龙城飞将在，
不教胡马渡阴山。

2010-07-18T02:34:00.001-07:00

http://lateafternoonsun.wordpress.com/

curve of the earth

2010-07-17T05:20:00.001-07:00

you're vicious like the blue sky

before the rain comes pouring through

everybody loves moving

2010-07-14T06:23:00.000-07:00

feelings drive you around for hours before they drop you right back where you started.

GOSSIP GIRL MOMENT XOXO. (aishaniiiiii sorry about today, we'll definitely make it up on tuesday.)

GO SPAIN GO i want to go shopping soon!

2010-07-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

2010-07-10T06:29:00.001-07:00

"If you've got the time, we can play a game. It’s easy. We just see if I’m the same shape as the space you have inside you. If everything fits, we both win. If it doesn’t, don’t force it. That's how you get splinters in your heart."

2010-07-09T05:19:00.001-07:00

the next time you say 'forever', i'll punch you in the face

2010-07-08T04:20:00.001-07:00

password

2010-07-07T07:44:00.000-07:00

You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.

lolita

2010-07-06T04:41:00.000-07:00

A truth should exist,
it should not be used
like this. If I love you

is that a fact or a weapon?

- marg. atwood

HEY WE SHOULD TRY POSTING SMTH OTHER THAN EMOQUOTES. MAYBE.

and i wish it wasn't/was out of sight out of mind.

someone out there help!

2010-07-05T07:31:00.001-07:00

i dwell in a perpetual state of worry and unrest when reviewing my own poetry.

electricity

2010-07-05T05:41:00.000-07:00

you are my hotel on the corner of bitter and sweet.

i swear this means nothing

2010-07-04T08:12:00.001-07:00

If I try to summon back his face, the sound of his voice, and the sensation in my stomach like a key turning in a lock when he touched me, I lose everything.

endearing yet very very eerie.

2010-07-04T04:48:00.000-07:00

The Pig by Roald Dahl
In England once there lived a big
And wonderfully clever pig.
To everybody it was plain
That Piggy had a massive brain.
He worked out sums inside his head,
There was no book he hadn't read.
He knew what made an airplane fly,
He knew how engines worked and why.
He knew all this, but in the end
One question drove him round the bend:
He simply couldn't puzzle out
What LIFE was really all about.
What was the reason for his birth?
Why was he placed upon this earth?
His giant brain went round and round.
Alas, no answer could be found.
Till suddenly one wondrous night.
All in a flash he saw the light.
He jumped up like a ballet dancer
And yelled, "By gum, I've got the answer!"
"They want my bacon slice by slice
"To sell at a tremendous price!
"They want my tender juicy chops
"To put in all the butcher's shops!
"They want my pork to make a roast
"And that's the part'll cost the most!
"They want my sausages in strings!
"They even want my chitterlings!
"The butcher's shop! The carving knife!
"That is the reason for my life!"
Such thoughts as these are not designed
To give a pig great piece of mind.
Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland,
A pail of pigswill in his hand,
And piggy with a mighty roar,
Bashes the farmer to the floor…
Now comes the rather grizzly bit
So let's not make too much of it,
Except that you must understand
That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland,
He ate him up from head to toe,
Chewing the pieces nice and slow.
It took an hour to reach the feet,
Because there was so much to eat,
And when he finished, Pig, of course,
Felt absolutely no remorse.
Slowly he scratched his brainy head
And with a little smile he said,
"I had a fairly powerful hunch
"That he might have me for his lunch.
"And so, because I feared the worst,
"I thought I'd better eat him first."

2010-07-01T05:48:00.000-07:00

we walk into this world with masks on our faces.

bulletproof weeks

2010-06-30T06:41:00.001-07:00

"the gap between compassion and surrender, where love's deepest and darkest region lay"
the museum of innocence.

2010-06-30T04:52:00.000-07:00

we dance around in a ring and suppose,
while the secret sits in the middle knows

edgar allan poe

2010-06-30T04:46:00.000-07:00

Alone

        From childhood's hour I have not been
       As others were; I have not seen
       As others saw; I could not bring
       My passions from a common spring.
       From the same source I have not taken
       My sorrow; I could not awaken
       My heart to joy at the same tone;
       And all I loved, I loved alone.
       Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
       Of a most stormy life- was drawn
       From every depth of good and ill
       The mystery which binds me still:
       From the torrent, or the fountain,
       From the red cliff of the mountain,
       From the sun that round me rolled
       In its autumn tint of gold,
       From the lightning in the sky
       As it passed me flying by,
       From the thunder and the storm,
       And the cloud that took the form
       (When the rest of Heaven was blue)
       Of a demon in my view.

you can't be wise and in love at the same time

2010-06-28T08:53:00.000-07:00

first day of schoool! yeah. not exciting.

because its just so wtsmlj todays a bad day to be human! (KEISHA WHY DID YOU REMIND ME ABOUT HOMEWORK WLAU)

HAHAH I HONESTLY CAN'T BELIEVE I FOUND THIS IN THE EHTOS BOOK.

if you lie face to sky
stare into space and far
surpass senses' reach, you
forget who and whether you are

Arent you talking about the math teacher?

2010-06-28T04:28:00.000-07:00

Homework due:
- Lit: Photostory project on patriotism, + completion of workshop worksheets.
- History: Submission of proposal for Self-Initiated-Assesment + Holiday worksheet
- Social Studies: SEQ on conflicts in Sri Lanka
- English: Marakech presentation on changing unhealthy mindsets + reading journal + writing journal + synonyms list
- Chinese: Annotation of essays
- Biology: Completion of selected ten-year series questions

Status: Completely undone!
Due Date: Very Unsure.
Conclusion: Why did the holidays end:(

elizabeth b. browning.

2010-06-28T02:35:00.001-07:00

you're somewhere in between a dream and a miracle.

curve of the earth

2010-06-27T02:42:00.000-07:00

Before I can open my all too eager eyes
Everything changes from the oceans to the skies
Perpetual emotion set ablaze by me
Everything's breathing, my hair and olive tree

I remember honey lips and words so true
I remember nonstop earthquake dreams of you
You're coming on fast like good dreams do
All night long

So what happened to bulletproof weeks in your arms
What happened to feeling cheap radio songs
What happened to thinking the world was flat
What happened to that

because the best songs are poetry married with harmonics.

shakespeare in love

2010-06-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

viola: this is not life, will. this is a stolen season.

wessex: how is this to end?
will: as stories when love is denied. with tears and a journey.

indian

2010-06-25T10:33:00.000-07:00

I could've sworn I was telling the truth when I told you I didn't miss you.

slow dancing in a burning room

2010-06-25T08:27:00.000-07:00

Nothing was going to be ordinary again, and both of them knew it. You could patch up whatever was broken, but if you were the one who had fixed it, you’d always know in your heart where the fault lines lay.

guilty already

2010-06-25T08:09:00.000-07:00

I Am Not Yours
by Sara Teasdale

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love—put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

NEW SKIN YAY.

guide to figuring out posts
rants/emo/awesome self-written poetry: aishani
pandas/obama/narratives: keisha
copied poems/quotes: nat

for literature homework awaits

2010-06-25T06:16:00.000-07:00

help! can someone teach me how to write a poem on patrotism:(

:P

2010-06-25T06:11:00.001-07:00

Dear Sarah Wong,

We will not specifically or directly reveal identities when posting. Subtle references might be made however. Thank you.

On behalf of,
Halfmanhalfbiscuit blogging committee

Aishani Sen is going mad. (:

2010-06-23T06:23:00.000-07:00

Darn right keisha, I think no one understands our blog.
BUT I LOVE IT ALL THE SAME! :D

It is 9.25pm.
I am sensing a compulsive urge to go right down to MG, and run on the track and never ever stop.

Tomorrow morning would do as well, if only I could.

These infinite desires that taunt me? They make me want to dance in circles and laugh out loud.
But they also make me want to jump off the cutting edge of reality which cuts me so very often.
hehe XD.

Way too many question marks.

2010-06-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered why everyone loves perfect fairytale endings so much?
Why we keep telling ourselves the sun will rise tomorrow, and fall asleep to the sound of promises?
Why we never say the words "I hate you" out loud, but say "I love you" so very often?
Or why looking at the clear skies that hold the stars
make me want to smile just thinking about the past?

Ever wondered why we keep on running telling ourself it'll be worth it,
even though we dont know what the finish line looks like?

gift

2010-06-22T06:56:00.001-07:00

All I want is another day longer
Another wildfire, another sweet whisper
All I want is to hear the same laughter
To look at the grass and feel the wind

stay

2010-06-20T04:41:00.000-07:00

The sky seemed like an endless blanket, like those one hid under as a child. Sprawling, it seemed like it had no end, no start- it only had a centre, and that was where we lay. At the centre of the earth, soft damp soil somehow found its way into the mess that is my hair. And like two magnificent ships meeting bow to bow, the grass lay in front of the sky, with us splayed on it like forgotten stars from the night before.

And with the tilt of the chin, I could see only blue and white. Clouds rode atop the sharp tangy blue sky, like foam frothing off the top of waves. The clouds seemed so faint and ethereal; it was almost invisible against the palm of my hand. At that moment, I swore you could touch it if you reached out your fingers just that much further. There was a faint wind; faint enough to remind me that we were still on the solid, sturdy ground. It kissed my cheek, and then it left.

And so we lay, inanimate and feeling. The grass covered the ground beneath, softening the blow of the reminder that we were still on land. The land shackled us there, a reminder of things to come, of work to do, and of summer’s end.

But for one moment, the minutes had no hours, the day had no night and the summer saw no autumn.

We were infinite.

2010-06-19T22:13:00.000-07:00

'Words, Wide Night', Carol Ann Duffy

Somewhere on the other side of this wide night
and the distance between us, I am thinking of you.
The room is turning slowly away from the moon.

This is pleasurable. Or shall I cross that out and say
it is sad? In one of the tenses I singing
an impossible song of desire that you cannot hear.

La lala la. See? I close my eyes and imagine the dark hills I would have to cross
to reach you. For I am in love with you

and this is what it is like or what it is like in words.

errr guys... i think we may all need theraphy

2010-06-19T04:20:00.000-07:00

aishani: "you know, i keep having these dreams of weejian flying"

nathalie: (turns arounds and stares) "is someone calling me and saying i love you"

keisha:" i swear that our school was turned into gaza strip war zone and a guy in a turban was chasing us with bombs"

Schizophrenia (pronounced /ˌskɪtsɵˈfrɛniə/ or /ˌskɪtsɵˈfriːniə/) is a mental disorder characterized by abnormalities in the perception or expression of reality. It most commonly manifests as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking with significant social or occupational dysfunction. Onset of symptoms typically occurs in young adulthood,^[1] with around 0.4–0.6%^[2]^[3] of the population affected. Diagnosis is based on the patient's self-reported experiences and observed behavior. No laboratory test for schizophrenia currently exists.^[4]

bright star

2010-06-19T02:39:00.000-07:00

i almost wish we were butterflies and could live but three summer days.
three such days with you i could fill with more delight than fifty common
years.

give in

2010-06-19T02:14:00.000-07:00

"The Primer
by Christina Davis

She said, I love you.

He said, Nothing.

(As if there were just one
of each word and the one
who used it, used it up).

In the history of language
the first obscenity was silence."

To Dorothy
by Marvin Bell

You are not beautiful, exactly.
You are beautiful, inexactly.
You let a weed grow by the mulberry
and a mulberry grow by the house.
So close, in the personal quiet
of a windy night, it brushes the wall
and sweeps away the day till we sleep.

A child said it, and it seemed true:
"Things that are lost are all equal."
But it isn't true. If I lost you,
the air wouldn't move, nor the tree grow.
Someone would pull the weed, my flower.
The quiet wouldn't be yours. If I lost you,
I'd have to ask the grass to let me sleep.

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why (Sonnet XLIII)
by Edna St. Vincent Millay

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

2010-06-18T20:28:00.000-07:00

"Here’s one of the things I learned that morning: if you cross a line and nothing happens, the line loses meaning. It’s like that old riddle about a tree falling in a forest, and whether it makes a sound if there’s no one around to hear it.

You keep drawing a line farther and farther away, crossing it every time. That’s how people end up stepping off the edge of the earth. You’d be surprised at how easy it is to bust out of orbit, to spin out to a place where no one can touch you. To lose yourself—to get lost.

Or maybe you wouldn’t be surprised. Maybe some of you already know."

overdue message

2010-06-17T05:35:00.000-07:00

It was clichéd, repeated, lacked every ounce of originality. But sitting on that swing and enjoying those laughs bared everything that we could call special. It might have been the green parrot, or the stolen time spent immersed in the arcade game, but it led to an epiphany of sorts – the dear reminder that I really miss and love you both.

Carol your stubborn wardrobe that denies every form of change, the sturdy adorable furniture that replicates you in so many ways, having the tolerance to bear with my spoiled ways (mostly pertaining to the heat and humidity of course), the child like ways of chiding romance scenes of slightest intimacy, or maybe just your sidelined grin that’s so incredibly nostalgic.

Aishani the condensed form of cuteness stored, your romanticized fantasies of the faraway future, your sincerity to genuinely help anyone you see, the unlucky endeavors with a picky parrot, the impression(ed) presence that’s impossible to forget, the touching ability to remember our different likes and fancies, the wealth of happiness and spontaneity that abounds and brings.

Schools reopening, luggage moving, surroundings changing. But to me, this friendship stays the same.

-(almond rocks socks) isn't it such an adorable British colloquialism

2010-06-16T09:56:00.000-07:00

You were better to the ones that were worse for you. And worse to the one that
was better for you.

why the wtsmlj is this so apt!

2010-06-16T03:44:00.001-07:00

I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time

im glad you told

2010-06-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

The sunset fell
windows broke
the bright blue image withered off.

Im lying when i said that i expected it all, that it isn't a surprised and that im not the least bit shocked. For i too wanted to believe to just this once, that things would be good and alright. I never knew why you constantly throw yourself there, engulf yourself in crowds and pleasures straying from the natural nature. When jaded and cynical perspectives arose, how hard it was to fight that down, but how little did you really know. We were always worried and scared fearing your familiar unknown, and perhaps we didnt try hard enough, finding a way that you would recognise. So appoligies if this came late:

smile tho your heart is aching,
smile even tho its breaking,
when there are clouds in the sky you'll get by
if you smile thru ur pain and sorrow,
smile and there may be tomorrow
you'll see the sun come shining thru
for you

We never just wanted your talent, arguments or rebuttals. We couldn't care less if those trophies dissappeared. We only ever wanted you to be happy. The self inflicting pain, why do you allow it? The countless tears, why do you approve it? The unhappy days, why do you accept it?

if theres just one thing that we all want to say. please remember to love yourself more each and every day.

hello

2010-06-05T08:56:00.001-07:00

you make me want to write bad poetry, sing loudly in a dark cold room, paint a picture using lipstick, get a new short black dress, run twenty miles in the rain, play hot and cold, go for a long bus ride across the road, re-watch all the bad romantic comedies, date three guys all at once for the heck of it, eat icecream, feel infinite. you make me want to scream.

crossroads

2010-05-31T09:06:00.000-07:00

It's 12:06 and I have RMUN tomorrow, but somehow I just can't stop thinking about the way things used to be, and the poem called 'Crossroads', from so long ago. I guess like, things change and people change and the only thing we can do is try to move on (?). But then again, I'm probably being a pansy about the whole thing, emotional and girly and weak.

Sometimes it really does boil down to 'What drives you?', the question I wrote about so long ago for reflections, and it still sticks with me now. I don't know what drives me anymore, but more than anything, I really want to find something, anything to replace this feeling of being bereft.

I want to feel infinite all over again, I want to turn back.

carrie underwood

2010-05-31T08:11:00.000-07:00

'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been up there searching for
forever is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
seem so small

this side of paradise

2010-05-31T01:54:00.001-07:00

REVAMPPPPP. hahah something prettier to look at! we need to start posting something more than random quotes and emo songs, guys!

really miss you alot aish, the overhead bridge walks seem like such a long long time ago.

perks of being a wallflower

2010-05-31T01:12:00.000-07:00

"Mia Carruthers and The Retros - Chasing After Something."

The fairytale

2010-05-30T08:33:00.000-07:00

Maybe you've found a bed of roses
to fall alsleep on,
where the thorns are all hidden.
You've found a fairytale to sing in.
One I could never read.

Because I saw Hope outside the window,
wondering when things ever got so bad.
I saw Faith marvelling at the degree of change,
frowning at the white rose that lost its colour.

I saw Acceptance screaming at strangers,
asking why she's lost, not knowing who she is.
I saw Assurance knocking on the door,
but nobody heard. Nobody was at home.

I saw Beauty crying at the corner of the street,
sitting by the stranger called Bravery.
But they got up, and held hands
and kissed under the moonlight.
Then remembered the reasons for their tears again.

I saw Fear laughing at the pathetic faces,
of those who met him for the first time.
I saw Liberty with a broken crown,
and evidently, a broken smile too.

And in the sea of people, I asked everyone
"Where did Love go?"
They all said they never knew what Love looked like.
But when they finally recognised her,
she was gone.

So now I think she's fallen asleep
on a bed of roses without thorns,
In a fairytale, with a song to sing,
One they'd all never been able to read.
~

2010-05-29T05:44:00.000-07:00

turn the stumbling block into a stepping stone.

O.B.S

2010-05-28T05:17:00.000-07:00

It takes a minute to meet someone new,
an hour to like them so
a day to love their presence
and a lifetime to forget those memories

We weathered
- 8 non-stop hours of cross-island kayaking
- 10 burnt, uncooked meals of dry rations
- 3 hot, humid mosquito-infested nights in tents
- 48 hours without a decent shower
- An hours track through the forest with 15 kg backpacks
- 3 insanely scary high element courses
- 4 days of countless packing and unpacking
- irritable moods from sunburn and insect bites
- Generally unhygienic and uncomfortable conditions

We learnt
- that team should always come before self
- challenges must be embraced
- never to allow yourself to give up
- constantly adapt and to change
- trust the people around you
- to see nature that bit clearer
- that there is an inexhaustible list of things you can learn from new experiences

but most of all
HA I SURVIVED OBS TAKE THAT NAT AND BERT!!!

2010-05-23T04:11:00.003-07:00

"Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog

And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo

And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's

and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"

because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint

And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed

when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A

and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went

And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her

but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem

And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think

he could reach the kitchen."

2010-05-23T04:11:00.001-07:00

I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't.

2010-05-23T01:35:00.001-07:00

Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad.

2010-05-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

Aishani please join next year:)!
-K.

falling sick

2010-05-18T06:43:00.000-07:00

Depersonalization disorder (DPD) is a dissociative disorder in which the sufferer is affected by persistent or recurrent feelings of depersonalization and/or derealization. The symptoms include a sense of automation, going through the motions of life but not experiencing it, feeling as though one is in a movie, feeling as though one is in a dream, feeling a disconnection from one's body; out-of-body experience, a detachment from one's body, environment and difficulty relating oneself to reality.

where would we be now, if we found each other first?

"And despite all this, you're still the same person."

2010-05-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

The things that we love blind us.
The things that we lose blind us.
And in a span of about 6 months, everything's changed.
I probably feel this way because I'm blinded.
But I'm probably human as well.

Right now,
I can still remember every bit of what I had.
I can still hear the laughter echoing through the classrooms.
I can still list down how many things I hate here at this new place.
I can still taste the tears we shed at 8.36pm on 12th September'09.
I can still read the conversations I saved because they made me smile once or twice.

And after everything, I give up.
I surrender. ~
I can't have everything I'm missing.

All I want right here, right now,
is to be a good person.

; And keep it that way for as long as I can.

2010-05-17T06:24:00.001-07:00

“I can’t always be waiting, waiting on you
I can’t always be playing, playing your fool”

2010-05-16T06:26:00.000-07:00

sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same thing. i read that on a teabag.

Dedicated post to juniors

2010-05-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

The pictures are just to satisfy all of your likings for all things to do with ducks. BUT anyway, i want to congratulate all of you for the amount of effort you put in, for your willingness to listen to suggestions and work on it, and for your exuberance and tenacity. Your journey will continue in time to come, and i hope that you will face your challenges with the same attitude and strength that defines what debate is all about. I have utmost confidence and faith in every single one of you, so all in all what i do have to say is- Game On.

-keisha

2010-05-09T07:37:00.000-07:00

Let the blind lead those who see but cannot feel.

SMILE!

2010-05-09T02:25:00.000-07:00

OHEMGEE CUTE RIIIIGHT. :D

hahah. I realised, I just wanted to say,

I LOVE YOU GUYS.

-aish. ((:

had I known how to save a life

2010-05-08T04:16:00.000-07:00

"Lay down a list of what is wrong.
The things you told him all along.
And pray to God he hears you,
And pray to God he hears you...."

haha, the Fray lyrics are stuck in my head.

hell, you know what, 12th may is coming up. And I haven't the slightest idea of what to do about it.
I think I'm going to go back to chem, and force myself to understand it.
-aishani.

2010-05-08T03:26:00.000-07:00

The Scientist, Coldplay

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
And tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions
Oh let's go back to
the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody
said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back
to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the
puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Don't speak as
loud as my heart.
Tell me you love me, and come back and haunt me,
Oh, when I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing tails
coming back
as we are.

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start.

for aish. just so you know, i meant everything i wrote in that pink scrapbook you have, but i'm not too sure anymore

- n

how far we've come

2010-05-07T21:02:00.000-07:00

RIGHT I NEED TO START STUDYING FOR BIO NOW. sigh i want to go shopping. now all i need is time and money.

aish, i hope by the time you read this i hope you're alright. because we're all "entirely made up of flaws, sitched together with good intentions."

and we should have dinner soon. (:

- nat

p.s

because i love you)last night

clothed in sealace

appeared to me

your mind drifting

with chuckling rubbish

of pear weed coral and stones;

lifted, and (before my

eyes sinking)inward, fled;softly

your face smile gargled

by death; drowned only

again carefully through deepness to rise

these your wrists

thighs feet hands

posing

to again utterly disappear;

rushing gently swiftly creeping

through my dreams last

night; all of your

body with its spirit floated

(clothed only in

the tide's acute weaving murmur

- ee cummings.

2010-05-07T19:49:00.000-07:00

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source, it dies of errors and blindness and betrayals, it dies of illnesses and wounds, it dies of witherings; of tarnishings.

Just waiting for something to happen.

2010-05-07T04:59:00.000-07:00

RAWRR!

2010-05-06T07:24:00.001-07:00

hello. (:

I now feel like a car. Call it random, but its very true.
I'm all out of petrol, and there are no stations nearby.
I've been driving on a road I don't even recognise, and I wish I hadn't taken this one.
Someone's driving me, I can't even control myself.
I'm old and worn out, and feel like I even have a license plate number.
And guess what?
I even break down in the middle of random streets. It keeps happening and I don't even know why.

I don't even know what this has become.
Just tell me it isn't true. Tell me the good will last and the bad will fade.
And most importantly, tell me I haven't changed.
Because having lost myself somewhere along this lonesome road, the truth is the last thing I want to hear. Or at least what I think is the truth.

on a side note, I've got a gig tomorrow at lunch! :D the bad thing is, we havent practised like, AT ALL. Well, apart from the fooling around in the studio that is.
So I have no idea how we're gonna do it, but we'll do it.

sigh. Wish LIFE was that easy.
love,
aishani. <3

gossip girl

2010-05-04T04:56:00.000-07:00

You can't make people love you. But you can make them fear you.

2010-05-04T01:07:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you can't choose what you love.

2010-05-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

i keep on telling myself, i need to get out of here. i look around me and i constantly question if i can honestly work with, much less work for, the people here. and it scares me, i want to leave to somewhere where maybe i can start anew.

but then, thinking about it today, maybe that's the lesson i need to learn 'here' before i get to move to 'there'. i want it so so so much. walk walk walk run run run.

I just want to run. Metaphorically. And I'm so scared that after all this while, I've just been running on the spot.

Barney is a dinosaur!

2010-05-03T06:11:00.000-07:00

WARNING: nonsensical post ahead.

sigh. Dyou know what I want? Sometimes, even I'm not too sure.
But you know what? I know that I want it. And I want it badly. so so badly.
And the thing is, you won't give it to me that easily. But I can't get it if you dont allow me to.
So in other words, unless you snap out of that world, and step into mine, you won't know that I want it badly, and you're in my way.

All those words, all the endless aishani don't worry. They won't mean much anymore.
Because right now, I'm counting on you.
Where are you?

how?

2010-05-02T02:01:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered if your actions were anything more than a random pairing of misguided movements, if your thoughts were merely an over analysis over things that didnt require speculation, that feelings were just a cyclical kaleidoscope that were too sensitive to surroundings. Really. How do we know that meaning exists?

- Adalee

meaning: "noble, of the noble kind"
I shall end of every post with a new british name that intrigues me:)

nat

2010-05-01T19:39:00.000-07:00

hellooo we need to put to rest all our anon posting hahah it's getting very cryptic. (oh look no puncuation)

everything is okay.

aishani, the truth is, everyone's going to hurt you. you just got to find the one's worth suffering for. so there's a joy in being fearless. and most of all, thank You, it's all for You now.

Pinky swear?

2010-05-01T03:40:00.000-07:00

Dear you,

I just wanted to tell you that's its going to be okay. And you probably don't know that this is about you, and you probably won't see this till one fine day when you suddenly remember me out of the blue, but that doesn't matter.
Sometimes you don't need to know who loves you. You just need to know that you're loved, and that everything is going to be alright.
Sometimes that sentence isn't strong enough, because you want proof that it's going to be alright. Go look in the mirror. Who you are, what you want to be, is yourself, and that's proof enough for me that one fine day you'll be up there delivering the most awesome speech ever, and I will stand up for you and clap with pride.
Because that's what friends do. And that's just how much I believe in you.

Love,
aishani.
or whatever or whoever you think I am.

succinct

2010-04-29T04:48:00.001-07:00

"The good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge."

2010-04-27T07:02:00.001-07:00

Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.
Sylvia Plath

in my life

2010-04-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

because it's nights like these...

that makes me want to play the triangle.

and get a book about moving on.

2010-04-23T20:42:00.001-07:00

whats the point of everyone knowing you, when you dont even know yourself.

2010-04-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

If you can't take it, GIVE it.

2010-04-18T04:18:00.000-07:00

Smile
tho'
your heart is aching,
Smile
Even though it's breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky- You'll get by,
If you
Smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through- For you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide ev'ry trace of sadness,
Altho' a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile- What's the use of crying,
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

A letter to destiny

2010-04-18T02:27:00.001-07:00

And they walked with an umbrella over their heads, without a single word.
But their footsteps splashing in the water, and the sound of endless rain spoke for itself.

I bet we'd never have expected ten years ago,
to find ourselves where we are now right here,
But yellow wood and crimson ribbons are of the past,
and here's the reason I'm sorry for you dear.

I'm sorry we never got a chance to actualise what I already knew existed.
I'm sorry I couldn't take that step with bold shoulders like you'd ask me to.
I'm sorry we strayed from our path and memories turned grey.
I'm sorry for nothing else except the fact that I loved you.

And I'm sorry for the laughter that echoes deep down inside.
I'm sorry for those hollow holes we've created in each other.
I'm sorry that one day you'd wake up and find,
that I'm no longer here because I never existed.
Because maybe, just maybe, it's you who's taking that great leap to the place I will never be.

Repeat. all over again.

2010-04-18T02:26:00.001-07:00

The wrinkled fingers were worn thin. Not due to time, but the deepest emotion any heart would ever know of.
~
I always thought there was a reason why a child is small enough to fit into a mother's lap perfectly. Why they need to be able to sit and listen to the voice that says everything will be alright.
And she pulled that frail piece of cloth closer as it tugged at her pale skin, because she knew even the toughest material can fall apart at the seams. She bit down on her lower lip, swearing she would not cry, but it never worked. They told her the ones who dont cry are the brave ones, but her tears were evidence enough of the fact that tears have never been a defining factor, and never will be. She shivered in the cold, and wondered why people could hate the hot and detest the cold all at once.

Because when memories leave you feeling so alone, all that's left are the purple bruises that accompany those solitary moments.
And that's when she needed to hear that voice, telling her everything would be alright.

And so she smiled. But the smile never reached her eyes.
~

be happy

2010-04-18T02:04:00.000-07:00

random muse

2010-04-15T07:50:00.001-07:00

haha i love the confusing shroud of annonymity:)

who's posting what!

2010-04-15T07:36:00.001-07:00

You tried so hard to be the person everyone wanted you to be. Maybe you should've just been the person you wanted to be.

2010-04-14T08:00:00.001-07:00

I can’t feel that. It’s sweet and everything, but it’s like you’re not even there sometimes. It’s great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about when someone doesn’t need a shoulder. What if they need the arms or something like that? You can’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can’t. You have to do things.

the killers

2010-04-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

since feeling is first... (VII) by E. E. Cummings

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry-
the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph
And death i think is no parenthesis

500 days of summer

2010-04-10T06:58:00.001-07:00

This is a story of boy meets girl. The boy, Tom Hansen of Margate, New Jersey, grew up believing that he'd never truly be happy until the day he met the one. This belief stemmed from early exposure to sad British pop music and a total mis-reading of the movie 'The Graduate'. The girl, Summer Finn of Shinnecock, Michigan, did not share this belief. Since the disintegration of her parent's marriage she'd only love two things. The first was her long dark hair. The second was how easily she could cut it off and not feel a thing. Tom meets Summer on January 8th. He knows almost immediately she is who he has been searching for. This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story.

friday i'm in love

2010-04-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

For we do not proclaim ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your slaves for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said “Let light shine out of darkness,” is the one who shined in our hearts to give us the light of the glorious knowledge of God in the face of Christ.

An Eternal Weight of Glory

But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that the extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us. We are experiencing trouble on every side, but are not crushed; we are perplexed, but not driven to despair; we are persecuted, but not abandoned; we are knocked down, but not destroyed, always carrying around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be made visible in our body. For we who are alive are constantly being handed over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may also be made visible in our mortal body. As a result, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. But since we have the same spirit of faith as that shown in what has been written, “I believed; therefore I spoke,” we also believe, therefore we also speak. We do so because we know that the one who raised up Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus and will bring us with you into his presence. For all these things are for your sake, so that the grace that is including more and more people may cause thanksgiving to increase to the glory of God. Therefore we do not despair, but even if our physical body is wearing away, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary, light suffering is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison because we are not looking at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen. For what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal.

THIS is our 101st post!

2010-04-07T04:40:00.000-07:00

you can have a virtual cupcake to commemorate this occasion:)

cheerios!

notes on a scandal

2010-04-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

because every now and then, i sit down to read my letters to you, the ones i never sent.

it's been two years and i still smile and think about it. two years, and i'm not the person you knew last time. less vanity, less arrogance.

it's not real, you see. i meant what i said.

2010-04-06T05:45:00.000-07:00

“We are perishing for want of wonder, not for want of wonders.”

the irony of life

2010-04-06T04:44:00.000-07:00

"We dance round in a ring and suppose,
But the Secret sits in the middle and knows."

second chance?

2010-04-02T03:59:00.001-07:00

One day, God asks you to run a race, but you haven't been training. At the racing ground, you see God standing there in his white robe and you look around but see no competitors. And all of a sudden, you see the devil walk in. He's buff and ripped and in your head you're like, "Oh damn, I should have trained." He gives you an evil grin, has fire coming out from his nostrils and winks at you, knowing that he'll win this race. And in your heart, you think he's gonna win too so your heart races. At the starting line, God stands at the side, raising the pistol in his hand as he shouts, "Take your mark!" Your heart feels like its in your throat and "BANG!" God pulls the trigger and the devil drops dead. You turn and realise that the devil was shot and your look up at God and he says,

"I have already won the race for you, all you need to do is run."

Discover Jesus Week

2010-04-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

As funny as it may sound, i have spent my entire school life in a christian environment of sorts, from Presbyterian to Methodist and i am very likely to continue that trend. Yet, you would know me as the narcissist, the self absorbed cynic , the extreme pessimist, and the person accused of emo-fying this blog. So something must be wrong right?

Yet, again, whenever Im being posed with the question of religion. I cant say for sure, what i believe in. I cant with absolute certainty tell you if im a free thinker, aetheist, want-to-be chrisitian or something different altogether. And i guess this is where the real conflict lies..

We all have moments of doubt dont we, of depression and sadness where we wonder why this must happen. Moments where trust no longer presents itself as possible and faith seems too distant. Over the span of these 2 years, i have been told of 3 deaths. The first of which happened to someone so dear to me, that words cannot express how horrible i felt for seeing her have to go through that period of time. The feeling of helplesness that transcended to everyone who knew her was so painful, of her emotional turmoil i would have so much wanted to share with her. That was an utterly cruel moment.

The second death that i came to know about was of a boy that was an old family friend who had a premature passing. Being a genious and someone who wanted to change the world, fate struck his dream apart where he came to know that he had a rare disease. within the short span of a month or so, he departed. What possible reason is there to take away someone at such a tender age.

The third death was very recent, and it left me speechless once again. I know that she would just want to be alone, to curl up in a ball and cry her heart out, only to do the very same thing the next morning, but we all want to be some sort of support where at least she doesn't have to bottle up her feelings. Thats also when the idea of death really became very real to me.

Then my feelings become mixed again, whenever there is chapel.
Somewhere between the lines of

"Heal my heart and make it clean,
open up my eyes to the things unseen,
show me how to love like you, have loved me"

and

"Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me"

It ignites a fire that compels me to belive, that there is someone great out there that ensures everything will be alright and its all in his purpose for us. I have a special song, that sings to me and has a way of magically reappearing every time im at my lowest. Its called Still and friends would tell you that i burst out crying almost everytime i hear it. It challenges all the thoughts that i had in the earlier part of this post, because it always promises of something better and good.

So to wrap up my slew of confusing and contradicting thoughts, maybe the answer was always in front of us. Maybe we never really saw what it what meant, and maybe its time to recognize and believe.

Message for DCs organizing committee

2010-03-28T05:43:00.000-07:00

we really really hate Simpson and South Park.

2010-03-26T09:21:00.001-07:00

All I ask is that you let me spend forever feeling this way, before you take me.